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100% true. So my friend Megan called me this afternoon and said "you're not going to believe this but I got a new battery for free today". You see Megan has had a rough go of it, lost her job in Vegas, and decided to leave town and move to the Phoenix area. I told her to call me and update her since she drives an old beater and I was concerned she'd break down in the desert on the highway. She says she's in the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart today and her car just made it there and conked out. She's checking under the hood when she sees this guy creeping at her out of the corner of her eyes. He looked like he was staring a hole through her yoga pants and the hair on her arms started to stand up, but then she realized "wait! that''s Carlos Mencia!". She's a fan of comedy so she started smiling, only to realize when he got closer this mouth-breather was just a paunchy, balder version of Mencia.
He then offered to go to Autozone and she's got the skeevies, hoping he doesn't come back. He comes back with a new battery, grinning all ear-to-ear like a psycho Mexican circus clown and helps her to hook up the battery. He then asked for my number and calls me Megan, even though I NEVER TOLD HIM MY NAME. I was freaked out so I went all Keyser Soze and gave him the number of the China a Go Go restaurant next to the Wal-mart. He then says he wants to marry me and I hightailed it out of there.
The only thing I heard him say as I was peeling out of there was "Salud". Whew, well I got my new car battery and I think I might just drive back to Vegas now since there is nothing but creepy stalker bald Mexicans down here in Arizona. I hope he enjoys his Chinese takeout though.
I told her to call me when she gets back in town because she still sounded a bit shaken up and she said goodbye see you soon.
100% true. I couldn't care less if posters don't believe me. I just ask myself, why the fuck do I continue to bother? I may as well give up on sex. Anyway...
...was driving home and I saw this OK-looking girl in a parking lot with the hood open. Chick was probably only a 7, but she had yoga pants on, so she looked like a solid 8. So, I turned around, pulled in, and offered to help. She told me the car wasn't starting. I took my meter out and measured the battery, fuckin' thing was 7.5 volts... way low! Also, looked at the date, it was 4 years old. I told her the battery is shot.
She started to cry, telling me she had recently moved here, and everything has been going wrong for her... and she's strapped for money... and wasn't sure how much this would set her back.
I consoled her because I felt really bad for her, and told her things would turn around for her. She told me I was a sweet guy. I told her I'd take her battery with me to AutoZone, to see if a recharge was possible, if not, I'd borrow some jumper cables from them and give her a jump. She said OK.
So, I drive two miles to AutoZone. Before I stepped inside, I thought, how nice would it be to surprise her with a new battery? So I go through my options, and they tell me a two-year warranty battery would be about $129, and a five-year warranty (three-year free replacement, two-year prorated) would be $139. I went with the cheaper one, lol, since I'm a cheap fuck, I guess.
Anyway, I drive back and surprise her with a new battery, and installed it for her. Her jaw was to the floor. She didn't know what to say, but told me I was the sweetest guy she's met so far.
I figured, hey, why not ask for her number? So, right after I put in the battery... I closed the hood up, and asked her, "Do you think you can give me your number? Maybe we go out to dinner, or hang out, or something, Megan?" She acted kinda put off by it, I thought, but she said, "Sure!" I was like, whew! So, she gives me her number, and I told her, "I'll give you a ring one of these days." We drive off.
I was almost home, and I decide to call her to tell her if something happens to her car on the way to her destination... that I'll drive over to help her out. I call the number, and some Chinese lady picks up asking me if it'll delivery or take-out. I was like WTF???
FUCKIN' BITCH! That's a pretty dirty move to do to a dude. Just tell me you're not interested. Don't lead me on like that, that's beyond fucked up.
Whew. Felt kinda good getting that off my chest, though.
Jovial sounds unhappy.
Sounds like something that would happen to JJ Gold.
Yeah, except he's full of shit.
Have always backed my stories.
I told these guys I went looking for Meatman to knock him out... they said it was a weave. I show a video, they shut the fuck up.
I told these guys I got braces... they said it's a weave. I show a video with them on, they shut the fuck up.
I can go on and on.
Have always backed my stuff. Guys just love to hate. It's OK.
Well, my good karma sorta paid me back just now. I went to McDonald's to order a Signature Sriracha meal with a Dr. Pepper. I tell the guy at the drive-thru that very order. I pay for the meal and then pull up to the next window and they only hand me a fuckin' sandwich. I was like WTF? Where are my fries and Dr. Pepper? The guy screwed up and only charged me for a sandwich and not the whole meal. So they ended up just giving me fries and a large Dr. Pepper for free, only got charged for the sandwich.
you'd do better with the females if you stopped eating at mcdonalds
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